Wednesday, April 29, 2009

In Harms Way

This summers straight to Living TV blockbuster features Steven Seagal playing Macintosh Harm in 'In Harms Way'

This pchological thriller starts to unfold when Macintosh Harm, a former seal, finds his best Nam buddy dead and his wife kidnapped. He immediately contacts the authorities to report the crimes but is told that not only wasn't he married but he has never served in the armed forces either.

The mysterious Dr Schlock (Chris de Burgh) tells him he has been suffering from Ostoprictoontalorisosis a brain disease that leads you to compelling believe a false memory you create for yourself.

Confused, Harm hits the bottle but when former friends turn up from his Seal days.. XP (Chamillionaire) and Sugar Desire (Tamzin Outhwaite) his confusion deepens.

Who can he trust... Is he mad.... or is the government trying to silence him.... why does he keep having flashbacks to an experimental army training camp for the best of the best and a room full of medical equipment....

One things for certain, in his quest to find the truth, you do not want to get in Harms way.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Always Look Angry

Steven Seagal takes time out from making Oscar-worthy Action/Drama Movies to play Mitch Kowalski in romantic comedy 'Always Look Angry'.

Windowed Mitch is always to busy at the precinct to make time for his young daughter Cassie, who predicts that if he continues to look so angry, the wind will change and he'll be stuck like it.

As Cassie predicts, one Summer morning; Mitch is stuck with an angry face and has to get a passport photo! This is only the start of a bad week for Mitch, which includes a Yoga Class, and a date with the precinct psycologist!

Watch as he tries to cope with daily activities with his face set to angry; but also connect with his daughter again, and find love.

Rated PG 13.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Executive Decision 2: A Tougher Decision

Executive Decision 2 takes off where the previous story left off. Whilst everyone is happy that the plane was landed safely, no one can get the death of Lieutenant Colonel Austin Travis (Seagal) out of their minds.

After seeing Jurassic Park, Dr. David Grant (Kurt Russell) sets upon resurecting Austin from some of his DNA left on his SWAT mouthpiece. This is mostly successful, however the new 'Austin' (nicknamed Texas - also played by Seagal), has a meaner-than-mean steak and is using his new DNA-superpowers for evil.

Little does everyone know that Austin Travis did not die during the events of the last film, and infact landed in a forest in Mexico, and has been in hospital recovering. When he finds his way back to Washington on foot, having learnt the way of the Indian on the journey - he finds himself handed a battle to convince everyone he is alive, and then a fight to the death against Texas.

Watch this straight to VHS movie from May 1st 2009

Why did we make another one? It was an executive decision!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Hands of Fate

In the intrepid days of the old West, men knew how to be men, they drank, they fought and they played poker.

Macintosh Pistol (Seagal) is an outlaw trying to get back to Mexico to save a woman he knew many years ago. He doesn't have the money to travel and so has to win it at the poker table. Being a master of cards, this doesn't present a problem until he comes across Gorrinton Dark (Max Clifford in an acting debut).

Dark heads a devious gang that terrorises commuities, bullies implausibly good looking defenceless women.. and he cheats at cards.

Can Pistol fight his way out of town after exposing Dark for what he is?

Find out this summer.... Primark Productions presents.. Hands of Fate.

STRAPLINE: The saloon is swinging, the guns are slinging and the parrot is singing

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Fight for Survival

Its 2036 and mans brutal war with the intergalactic Zodon alien race is nearing its end .... and man isn't winning.

At risk of losing the Earth, the president of the Global American Defence Network ,which has assumed responsibility for saving the planet gathers the greatest minds of the day, Janice GoodEnough (Carol Vordeman), young Harvard whizz Zizzi Curvest (Shannyn Sossamon) and Professor Frank Coldheart (Seagal).

The science brains have devised a formula which can adjust a mans DNA, to create superhumans capable of faster movements, incredible feats of strength and immense stamina.

Coldheart decides to take the serum himself but is he too late or can he save the Earth.....

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Lightening Strike II

When Jake Lightening (Seagal), a Seal captain, takes his men deep into the Guatemalean jungle pursuing child molester and drug trafficing lord, Vince Vermince (Michael Barrymore) he soon finds he is on one of the most dangerous missions of his life.

A freak storm washes all of their kit away and the 3 seals (Lightening, GTX played by Shaun Wright-Phillips and Volumptua played by Jordan) have to rely on their field skills to survive and complete their mission.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Glock: The Persuader

In this exciting mysterious action thriller, Steven Seagal plays Cartier Glock a hitman for hire, if you can find him.

When Honey Penny-Goldhearts, played by Pamela Anderson, lawyer husband is killed, she hires Glock to track down and punish the perpetrators.

Blah blah blah... more than he can chew ... blah blah.... most dangerous.... but the punks dont know what they are dealing with... blah blah blah

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Get Involved

Here are three potential films. Please leave comments voting for the one you would like scripted up and leaving any suggestions for characters, plots, actors etc.

1. Covert Desert Strike
2. McStealth: Silent Assasin
3. Shogun of Detroit

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Jesus Christ McNutsBuster

DA: Christ, McNutsbuster, I told you to stay clear of chinatown ... I know they killed your partner and wife but hell you've got to keep it together son

McNutsBuster: Whatever you say chief

DA: Take a break McNutsbuster, take some leave and sort your head out. I don't want to see you until after the anniversary of your wifes death. In fact, you could test these advanced weapons for me while you are on leave. Just stay away from Chinatown and the triad leader Hoo Chin Bassai

McNutsbuster: I cant make promises chief

DA: Your good McNutsbuster, damn good and I don't want to lose you. We need men like you but your also a renegade, an out of control maverick shooting first asking later, drinking and women. Damn it.

McNutsbuster: You are not making sense any more chief.

DA: I know, damn it.

Excerpt from Bring me McNutsbuster due out on Channel Five for May Bank Holiday.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Escape from Death

Plot Synopsis: Detective Red Horrigan, Seagal, must foil a terrorist organisation made up of disgruntled special forces veterans. But this time, he's teamed with a rookie female partner, Peach, Lily Allen, that he's not too excited to be working with.

Peach: Don't they know we are on their side

Horrigan: They don't know good from evil, we have to teach them it..

Peach: How?... they won't listen Horrigan, damn it, even to you, they just won't listen

Horrigan: Don't worry Peaches, they will listen .... to my fists


'Lunatics are on the loose.... one of them is Detective Horrigan'
'35 special forces specialists..... one Detective Horrigan, fair fight?'

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Silent Deep Sleeper

Due out in the Summer of 2009 comes this evocative action thriller around the sensitive subject of islamic fundamentalist groups and their threat to society.

When several terrorist acts against the United States by an extreme muslim terrorist group Al Alham Allahahalalal Ahhahhammannallal cause widespread panic, the president demands that his security teams get an undercover infiltrator into their highest echelons.

FBI chief Cronie (played by Alaistair Campbell) calls out former Seal and security expert Jaguar Silverfire (Seagal). Once they have him sobered up (He lost his wife in a recent terrorist strike) they brief him on what is set to be his most dangerous mission.

He is to go to the North Western provinces of Pakistan, deep into Taleban held land and infiltrate Al Alham Allahahalalal Ahhahhammannallal as a young freedom fighter hell bent on the destruction of the West. Armed with a smattering of Pashto, a suntan and a kick ass attitude, Silverfire is parachuted deep into enemy territory and is completely alone.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Under Siege 3: Blade Strike

Following the internationally acclaimed success of Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (What do the words Dark Territory have to do with the film??), exciting news breaking is that Seagal is to star in the third installment of a sensational trilogy.

The story so far...

Casey Ryback a former seal is best buddies with a warship Captain in the US Navy. The warship is hijacked by a group wanting to steal the nuclear warheads... little do they know the chef is the best of the best of the best of the best, until he kicks their ass.

Some years later, the unfortunate Ryback is caught up in another unlikely sounding potential disaster.. Five million tons of hijacked train. One billion dollars of satellite weaponry. Two American cities targeted for nuclear destruction. Sounds like another job for Ryback and it is not long before he kicks some punk ass.

Now in the third installment, Ryback is working undercover as a janitor on the international space station which has been armed with state of the art laser beam weapons. Russian cosmonaut Kald Karackovian (Ronnies evil dad from Eastenders) arrives with a crack team of KGB agents intent on taking control of the station in order to threaten Brazil into becoming part of a new Russian empire. Little do they know that the janitor on the space station is the best of... etc etc, its time for Ryback to kick ass.

STRAPLINE: Time to put the punks into orbit.