Poised to Strike

This summer coming directly to a DVD bargain bin by you is Steven Seagal in Poised to Strike.

Burlington Eagle (Seagal) is the leading LA narco officer. Specialising in deep covert undercover stealth silent solo surveillance (or DCUSSSS as its known on the force), Eagle is the best of the best of the best of the best. He trains the best to be the best but is still the best.

When Eagles cover is blown on a black ops undercover mission, he suspects there is a mole on the force. Evidence suggests his boss Princeton Eel (played by Omid Djalili) is behind the leaks.

To get to the bottom of the corruption on the force, Eagle has to take his most dangerous mission yet. He goes undercover into the cities most dangerous gang, the Red Vipers, a vicious mixture of Jamaican and Latino gangsters. To fit in, Eagle must black up and be convincing whilst sporting a mexican accent.

Fortunately he takes his two top lieutenants with him, Xtype (John Fashanu) and Trixy D (Jodie Marsh).

Certificate 18: Features gay nudity and badger baiting (simulated)

Eel: What the hell are you playing at goddam it - pull this stunt again and I'll drag your ass down to the DA so fast you won't know whats hit you
Eagle: Something stinks and Im going to get to the bottom of it
Eel: What the hell are you suggesting, tread carefully Eagle or Ill clip your wings
Eagle: The thing with eagles is they soar looking for prey.... good night chief

Xtype: Yo yo big daddy mac whats the crack jack triple mac going down over the bridge
Eagle: Flipside Xtype, gonna need you on this one but its dangerous, you in?
Xtype: Im so hot to trot the lots gonna go to pot, lets roll (locks and loads)