In this hilarious late summer family comedy stroke action thriller romance, Steven Seagal plays Butch McToughshot a presidential bodyguard and martial arts expert.
Tougher than the toughest, McToughshot is the presidents most trusted personal protection agent.
However, McToughshot is in for a shock when the presidents daughter starts complaining that the school jock, Mitch Clean (McCauley Caulkin) won't take her to the school prom.
The president sends McToughshot in to Burlington High with a mission to persuade Mitch that the presidents duaghter, Candy (La Roux) is worth taking to the ball. Hilarity follows as McToughshot goes back to school to persuade fellow students he is only 15 and persuade Mitch that Candy is the pick of the year, all while not busting some kids faces up!! How will McToughshot fare in his exams, the school football team and being the new school hunk!
The film takes a sharp turn from comedic to the romantic though when McToughshot falls for his new teacher Miss Volumptua (Jordan).
Then, in another sudden change of pace, all hell breaks loose when it turns out that the drama group is an undercover Al Qaeda cell intent on destroying the school and killing the presidents daughter.
In violent dramatic action scenes, McToughshot must fight alone to save Burlington High, Candy and Miss Volumptua leading to climatic scenes where he only has time to save one of their lives...... catch it all on Mission to Highschool this summer
REVIEWS
Daily Mail: Confusing - Was I meant to take my kids to this - The first hour seemed to suggest yes but after the chemical attack on the school assembly, I was unsure as to whether it was appropriate to show facial burns to my nine year old son
Shrewsbury Evening Chronicle: Desperate, unfortunate, disjointed, bizzarre, surreal, shambolic - The first half is an extremely poor comedy with unfortunate twinges of paedophilia in my view, the second half is a bizarre twist into Seagals normal territory as if the director realised the first half was rubbish and was trying to save it for the small hardcore Seagal fanclub.
Showing posts with label martial arts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label martial arts. Show all posts
Friday, August 14, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
No Holds Barred
Steven Seagal plays Mike McIron in this thrilling cage fighting movie.
McIron is a local piano repair man just minding his business and getting on with his humble trade in his hometown of Justice, Texas.
Known as a big guy locally with a good heart, McIron is always first to step in and help sort out disputes in his local spit and sawdust bar and is respected locally. When a cage fighting tournament is set up, McIron initially refuses to sign up as he abhores violence.
However the eccentric millionaire running the contest, Crawford Hawk (Max Clifford) arranges for McIrons girlfriend (Mary Jane, played by Dame Judy Dench) to be abducted forcing him to compete.
Hawk bears a grudge against McIron for a piano he claims was badly tuned. His aim is for McIron to die in the ring against some of the best cage fighters this side of the Missisipi.
What he doesn't know is that McIron was raised by inuit tribes people who taught him how to control his mind and body and endowed him with the name Manglas Kunkli or He Who Walks Like Wind.
Can McIron win the contest and free Mary Jane? Can his assistants Minxy (Kerry Katona) and Hangdog (Eminem) keep the piano business afloat while he is away? Find out this July in 'No Holds Barred' available from any good Poundland near you.
Hawk: Mary Jane is safe for now but she might lose some of her innocence if you don't fight Mad Dog in tonights contest
McIron: Goddam it Hawk, why me, why now?
Hawk: I want my E flat to be perfect damn you, that piano is my life
McIron: OK, I'll take Mad Dog down and then it will be your turn (taps a tuning fork)
Daily Express: Hilarious in parts, disturbing in others, should be banned
Exeter Evening Chronicle: what is happening?
Farming and Agricultural Land Management Magazine: The piano tuning scenes could have been cut, noone wants to watch Seagal in a self important 30 minute silent opening, tuning a baby grand.
McIron is a local piano repair man just minding his business and getting on with his humble trade in his hometown of Justice, Texas.
Known as a big guy locally with a good heart, McIron is always first to step in and help sort out disputes in his local spit and sawdust bar and is respected locally. When a cage fighting tournament is set up, McIron initially refuses to sign up as he abhores violence.
However the eccentric millionaire running the contest, Crawford Hawk (Max Clifford) arranges for McIrons girlfriend (Mary Jane, played by Dame Judy Dench) to be abducted forcing him to compete.
Hawk bears a grudge against McIron for a piano he claims was badly tuned. His aim is for McIron to die in the ring against some of the best cage fighters this side of the Missisipi.
What he doesn't know is that McIron was raised by inuit tribes people who taught him how to control his mind and body and endowed him with the name Manglas Kunkli or He Who Walks Like Wind.
Can McIron win the contest and free Mary Jane? Can his assistants Minxy (Kerry Katona) and Hangdog (Eminem) keep the piano business afloat while he is away? Find out this July in 'No Holds Barred' available from any good Poundland near you.
Hawk: Mary Jane is safe for now but she might lose some of her innocence if you don't fight Mad Dog in tonights contest
McIron: Goddam it Hawk, why me, why now?
Hawk: I want my E flat to be perfect damn you, that piano is my life
McIron: OK, I'll take Mad Dog down and then it will be your turn (taps a tuning fork)
Daily Express: Hilarious in parts, disturbing in others, should be banned
Exeter Evening Chronicle: what is happening?
Farming and Agricultural Land Management Magazine: The piano tuning scenes could have been cut, noone wants to watch Seagal in a self important 30 minute silent opening, tuning a baby grand.
Monday, June 01, 2009
First auto-generated Seagal Film! THE COLD WARRIOR
The Cold Warrior
In this exciting thriller, Seagal plays Strike McRough a logger from Chicago.
When the senators daughter is kidnapped, he smells something is corrupt and decides to exact his revenge on Tarquin Cage (played by Jean Claude Van Damme) who was his commanding officer in basic training.
What the punks don't know is that Strike was a Japanese master martial arts warrior and trained the best to be better than the best but not as good as himself as he was training the best to be better which makes him better than the best training to be even better but he is definitiely the daddy best.
Thankfully he has CraXX and Chocolate along for the ride played by Mr T and Martine McCutheon respectfully and they ain't going down without a fight.You can watch The Cold Warrior this summer on Betamax.
In this exciting thriller, Seagal plays Strike McRough a logger from Chicago.
When the senators daughter is kidnapped, he smells something is corrupt and decides to exact his revenge on Tarquin Cage (played by Jean Claude Van Damme) who was his commanding officer in basic training.
What the punks don't know is that Strike was a Japanese master martial arts warrior and trained the best to be better than the best but not as good as himself as he was training the best to be better which makes him better than the best training to be even better but he is definitiely the daddy best.
Thankfully he has CraXX and Chocolate along for the ride played by Mr T and Martine McCutheon respectfully and they ain't going down without a fight.You can watch The Cold Warrior this summer on Betamax.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Swift, Cold Justice / Cleaning up Downtown
It is 1992 and the hard streets of Detroit are terrorised by gangs intent on flooding the city with a new powerful drug, cake, which is killing the kids.
Steven Seagal plays Mike McJustice, a local hardware store owner who is fed up of punks ripping up the neighbourhood.
With the police powerless, McJustice starts catching local hoodlums and teaching them self worth through training them in the martial art of Ko Phu Manku which teaches power, self respect, flexibility, love and how to bust a punks face in ten places.
Despite some feel good scenes where they clean up graffiti and tut-tut at some syringes they find, his neighbourhood crew comes under attack from city officials who suspect them of being a renegade bunch of vigilantes and also from the dangerous rival gangs who cannot tolerate members leaving, getting off the cake and leading rewarding lives.
In a series of showdowns, McJustice and his team have to defeat the rival gang lead by Dec-Adent (Graeme Le Saux).
Reviews
Furniture Makes Monthly Digest: I had no idea what was going on for most of the film, not only was it bad it was uncomprehensibile
Detroit Times: Disgusting - Not even playing at being a movie, ridiculous. Simply the worst thing that has happened in our metropolis
The Financial Times: Was this a comedy? I don't know what to say.
Did you know: As well as directing and starring in the film, Seagal also wrote and rapped the hip hop sound track including 'Whatz da score' and 'At 'cha wiv ma blood'
Seagals Crew - Played by East 17 and Associates
Lodown
Juxta
Mashete
Hangloose
Constricta
Same 'ol
Rebound
Steven Seagal plays Mike McJustice, a local hardware store owner who is fed up of punks ripping up the neighbourhood.
With the police powerless, McJustice starts catching local hoodlums and teaching them self worth through training them in the martial art of Ko Phu Manku which teaches power, self respect, flexibility, love and how to bust a punks face in ten places.
Despite some feel good scenes where they clean up graffiti and tut-tut at some syringes they find, his neighbourhood crew comes under attack from city officials who suspect them of being a renegade bunch of vigilantes and also from the dangerous rival gangs who cannot tolerate members leaving, getting off the cake and leading rewarding lives.
In a series of showdowns, McJustice and his team have to defeat the rival gang lead by Dec-Adent (Graeme Le Saux).
Reviews
Furniture Makes Monthly Digest: I had no idea what was going on for most of the film, not only was it bad it was uncomprehensibile
Detroit Times: Disgusting - Not even playing at being a movie, ridiculous. Simply the worst thing that has happened in our metropolis
The Financial Times: Was this a comedy? I don't know what to say.
Did you know: As well as directing and starring in the film, Seagal also wrote and rapped the hip hop sound track including 'Whatz da score' and 'At 'cha wiv ma blood'
Seagals Crew - Played by East 17 and Associates
Lodown
Juxta
Mashete
Hangloose
Constricta
Same 'ol
Rebound
Monday, May 04, 2009
Glare of Death
Its 1480 and in the Japanese province on Hu Shan, the Shogun Kal Sin (Matthew Broderick) is ruling with an iron fist. When a peasant village party celebrates beyond 7pm (outlawed) the Shoguns spies report back. Kal Sin is outraged and determines that the village should be destroyed, every man, woman and child killed.
Although the Shoguns forces are vast, they do not count on Kendo Steel (Seagal) who has mastered an ancient Japanese martial art called PoPhu Claw. That he is good is in no doubt, but could Seagal be the Prima Makshu, a mystical reborn master from ancient times.
Find out this summer if you still have VHS as 'GLARE OF DEATH' hits the screens.
Daily Mirror: Simply obnoxious
Telegraph: Thought provoking
New York Times: Better than 'Poised to Strike' but worse than 'The Dangerous Road'
Winner of the Ivorian Coast National Film of the Month Award for Best Film Shot Partly in Black and White
Although the Shoguns forces are vast, they do not count on Kendo Steel (Seagal) who has mastered an ancient Japanese martial art called PoPhu Claw. That he is good is in no doubt, but could Seagal be the Prima Makshu, a mystical reborn master from ancient times.
Find out this summer if you still have VHS as 'GLARE OF DEATH' hits the screens.
Daily Mirror: Simply obnoxious
Telegraph: Thought provoking
New York Times: Better than 'Poised to Strike' but worse than 'The Dangerous Road'
Winner of the Ivorian Coast National Film of the Month Award for Best Film Shot Partly in Black and White
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